Feeling Torn Between Gratitude and Exhaustion as a Mom

I absolutely love being a Mom— and yet if I’m honest, I’ve often found myself feeling torn between gratitude and exhaustion.

It’s the one job I’d never quit.

The one that comes before all else.

My why for almost everything.

And still… it can be overwhelming.

When I’m sick and still have to work, and none of the motherly duties can be put on hold.

Then one kid gets sick.

Just as they’re getting better, the next one goes down.

Then, as a surprise bonus, I break my toe.

Followed by a consolation prize the next day—a heart episode that lands me in the hospital.

Everything turned out okay, but it was a serious scare and something I still need to follow up on.

What makes it harder is knowing how much effort I put in—

vitamins, healthy food, a clean and safe home.

So when sickness runs rampant for weeks (on top of chronic sleep deprivation), it makes me want to shake my fist at the sky and scream WHY?!

…and quietly remind myself that I’m thankful I can care for my kids the way I do.

Because nothing else gets to stop.

Not work.

Not bills.

Not keeping a roof over our heads.

I’m not complaining. I’m just tired.

Bone tired.

I wouldn’t give up my role as a mother for anything in the universe. And yes—I’m grateful to be alive and able to do what I do.

But sometimes, as soon as I pause to breathe or close my eyes, I tell myself I’m overreacting.

Remind myself that I am able to handle it all.

Constantly back and forth between gratitude and exhaustion.

And I don’t think that’s fair—to myself or to the insurmountable amount I carry each day.

Gratitude is sometimes used to silence exhaustion, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Both can exist.

And now, humidifier is up and running. Tea and homemade egg with cheese biscuits are ready for my littles...

I think I’ll go lay down now.